Why Do We Want Relationships?
If you're here, it likely means that there is something you want to examine or change about your current relationships. Maybe you're having difficulty connecting with others or you're noticing that one or more of your relationships feels like it is not working. And since you're here, I'm also guessing that you would like to improve the situation and see some value in having positive, connected, relationships.
Many of us desire positive connections! But why do we even want relationships in the first place? Let's take a moment to talk about the impact that relationships can have on us.
Positive Relationships
Positive relationships can be beneficial to us in a number of ways, both physically and mentally. Research suggest that feeling connected to others improves our immune system, blood pressure, and healing after injury. Additionally, it can improve self-esteem, mood, and stress levels. While all that research sounds great, we aren't necessarily aware of all of these things when interacting with others.
So, let's focus on your personal experiences. Think for a moment about what a positive relationship or connection has felt like for you. If you are unsure if you have ever had a positive relationship, think about what you imagine it would feel like. Take a moment to identify a good connection with someone, either past or present, or imagine what one would be like.
When you have a good connection with someone, how do you feel during or after interacting with them? How do you feel when thinking about the relationship? You may notice that you have felt calm, excited, content, secure, or something else. What have you personally felt as a result of a good relationship?
Negative Relationships
Just as positive relationships can lead to a number of benefits, poor relationships or connections have been shown to negatively impact people in a lot of ways, including increasing blood pressure and our chances of getting ill. They can also negatively impact our mood, exacerbating sadness, stress, and loneliness.
Let's focus again on your personal experiences. Think for a moment about what a poor relationship or connection has felt like for you. Take a moment to identify a poor connection with someone either past or present.
When you have a poor connection with someone, how do you feel during or after interacting with them? How do you feel when thinking about the relationship? You may notice that you have felt sad, isolated, angry, insecure, or something else. What have you personally felt as a result of a poor relationship?
Self-Reflection
Before we talk more about relationships, we'd like to pause for a moment to highlight self-reflection, which is an important tool to help you establish positive relationships. It is also something that you just did in identifying your feelings as they relate to positive and poor connections.
What we mean by self-reflection is that we are in touch with our unique feelings, needs, and wants for ourselves and our relationships. Self-reflection means taking a microscope to how we think, feel, and act in our relationships, paying attention to the patterns that are present and the roles we play in relationships.
Moving forward in this workshop, we'll be asking you to do a lot of looking inward at the things that you value and the areas that you do well or struggle with as it relates to relationships. Having this awareness allows us to better identify what works and what is not working in our relationships. Self-reflection also allows us to be better able to assert ourselves in our relationships. After all, it's hard to ask for what we want or need when we don't know what those things are!